Episode 5

If anyone needed a warning, a threat or a reason to leave town, Gen. Goosebuttocks was the man for the job. The mere shadow of a prowler at night meant that the prowler in question went without a shadow for the rest of his life. He had an unmatched temper, and a face that matched this. Not for the faint hearted, was the backward kick of the General, once he was done with his business. In short, Gen. Aubergine Goosebuttocks was not a man to be trifled with, predominantly, among other reasons, because he was not a man.

He was a miniature pug with a squiggle for a tail, next to no nostrils and a mild respiratory problem. Of course, none of this stopped him from smoking a pipe and adopting an overall alpha-male-chest-hair attitude towards life. Gen. Goosebuttocks was the tailless wonder who taught other dogs to chase their tails. The sag of his jowl and the bulge of his eyes ensured that his general disapproval of people around him was matched by the expression on his face. The General was very well-read, but not very well-traveled, seeing as he was limited by the shortness of his legs and his inability to get on a train.

Of this sanguine warm afternoon, Gen. Goosebuttocks was stretched out on his belly in the library, reading Voltaire and smoking his pipe. He often “lent” his library to Mab and earlier in the afternoon, he was forced by her to retire to the balcony under strict instructions to bark every now and then. Carrig, of all the dunderheads the General had seen, was not capable of comprehending a talking dog, let alone a Version 6.5 Turbo cat or a Miles Davis loving Indian Elephant. Having performed his duties for over an hour while Mab entertained, the General was now back in his den enjoying the sweet victory of Shisha Premium Tobacco. The birds were chirping in the Miles Davis room, and the General was just considering yawning the Latin alphabet, when he heard it.

Scratch-scratch-scratch from the bowels of the house. Scratch-scratch-scratch moving closer to his ear. Scratch-scratch-scratch and a pregnant pause. Scratch-scratch-scratch and Lady’s blood-curdling scream.

General Aubergine Puppybuttocks yawned and waited.
“Hello, Bub.”